What Infertility Has Taught Me

Brody is almost a year old and I’ve been reflecting back on life before Brody.  I wouldn’t change a thing, but it’s still nice to write out feelings and thoughts and get them off your chest.

Here’s what infertility has taught me:

1. Unfortunately, life does not care about self pre-determined time-lines.
2. How to self-sacrifice as a mom before even getting pregnant.
3. Timing is NOT everything.
4. Contrary to popular belief, vacations do not magically cure infertility.
5. The day that you get a negative pregnancy test will be the exact day where you learn that no less than 3 of your friends are pregnant.
6. A listening ear always feels better than a know-it-all tongue.
7. To stand up for myself in the face of ‘thoughtless feel betterisms’.
8. Not to take my body for granted.
9. To lean on my husband.
10. That God may not make things better the way I expect, but he can give me peace in even the roughest seas.
11. There is much more to me than my role as a mother.
12. Sometimes one can do everything right and STILL lose.
13. That failing at something teaches wiser lessons than winning.
14. That I am stronger than I expected.
15. To tolerate pain, both physically and emotionally.

I am not glad for infertility - mostly.  It has been a very painful part of my adulthood, nearly spanning a decade.  It made me feel misunderstood, left-out, jealous, angry, and so empty.  But it has also shaped who I am.  Brody came to me at a different time than I had wished, but he came.  I am so grateful for him.

I am not sure who I would be without infertility.  It is sewn into my fabric even now that I am no longer actively trying to conceive.   I’m at peace with it in a way I could not be before, but still - I am not glad for it.